Christian Humor

Church Bulletin Bloopers

• Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
• The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
• On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD; Dr. Hargreaves is better.
• Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
• The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
• Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It’s a Terrible Experience."
• We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Nelson’s homilies.
• During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.
• The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
• Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.
• The Annual Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• Today’s Sermon: How Much Can a Man Drink? with hymns from a full choir.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
• Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• Ushers will eat latecomers.
• Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

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